Election '06

So ... lemme see if I have this right ... we all vote DFL and the world will improve immediately. Gotch'ya ...

Say ... I don't know much about politics or world events but tonight I heard George Bush mispronouncing a lot of Arabic names. This usually means that Karl Rove has emerged from his parents' basement ready to brainwash the fuck out of us again, right?

Do you realize that our current, and most disastrous administration ever, was put into power because Jay Leno kept showing that clip of a very wooden Al Gore dancing with Tipper? Yeah, the last thing we want is an intelligent, conscientious, environmental-friendly president with a low pulse and 2 left feet.

When I was growing up, we had NBC, ABC, CBS, NET and maybe a local independent affiliate. I used to spend a lot more time outdoors.

Okay you smart Monday Mud reader(s), are Liebermann and McCain both goofy or something?

Okay, quick reality check ... stand in front of a mirror at Midnight with a flashlight under your chin and say President Hillary Clinton 3 times ... go on ... I double-dare yuh!

Remember at the Republican Convention when Georgia Democrat Zell Miller got all red-faced and cable-necked while screaming about U.S. troops being referred to as "occupiers"? That was pretty intense.

Did you know that the polar ice cap is melting?

Did you know everytime the earth doesn't wear it's polar ice cap, it loses 60% of its body heat?

Senate candidate Mike McGavick is in big trouble for hitting the sauce 13 years ago then running, what he called, "a yellow light." The cop said he'd call it more like orange. Mike was going to argue with him and say it was more like greenish-yellow but he wasn't sure what you call that color so he didn't get into it with him. That stuff goes on your permanent record kids.

When Karl Rove heard that immigration was going to be the hot topic for elections this year, he secured the rights to use Led Zeppelin's "The Immigrant Song" for Republican campaigns this fall. In related news, singer Robert Plant and legendary guitarist Jimmy Page have been missing for several weeks, no further information has been released.

Speaking of Mike McGavick, he and his rival for the Senate, Democratic incumbent Maria Cantwell, both agree that the U.S. should stay the course in Iraq. I don't know what Maria's fucking problem is but at least Mike has an excuse ... the dude's always shitfaced!

Voters in Lake County, Florida headed to the polls today to cast ballots for more than a dozen candidates in several statewide and local primary races. "But it all depends on the weather," Elections Supervisor Emogene Stegall said. If it rains, fewer people likely will turn out .... Yeah, I always like to see the concept of freedom disappear because of a few raindrops.

Job Opening in Florida: Governor — Gov. Jeb Bush is leaving office after eight years, and Florida voters will take the first step Tuesday in deciding whether they want to elect someone who shares his values or a governor who will seek to dismantle some of the Republican's key programs ... I keep reading that paragraph after each hit and it just seems funnier each time.